I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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