i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
