I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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