I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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