I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
