That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
