i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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