Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
