I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
