Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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