At least make sure they are 18
Why
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
