I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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