I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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