these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
