He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
