She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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