I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
