I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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