you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
