dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
