Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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