Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
