I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
