It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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