wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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