You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
