Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
this will be a night to untag.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
