Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
