Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
