Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
