one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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