I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
