saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
