he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
