I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize