Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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