we have officially lost it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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