Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize