Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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