Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
