Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
