i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
