When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
