maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
