Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize