week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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