I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
