Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize