Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You made out with two different species that night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
