it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
