wanna go halves on a baby?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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