what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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