Your dad touched me again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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