its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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