Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Randomize