Your face is a jimmy john
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
