I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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