I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
