so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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