The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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