why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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