He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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