remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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