Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
thus making me awesome and them whores
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
