i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
