I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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