I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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