we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
