Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
