He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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