this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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