in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
