did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
