roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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