what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
