By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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