can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize