the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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