Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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