I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
