Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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