apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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