Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
