I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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