just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
