Just fell off a train. Bad.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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