I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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