That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
