He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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