getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
