Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
