Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
