I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
