the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
