Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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