when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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