I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize