I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
